Comments on: Many Students Show Signs of Anxiety or Depression in June

By: Mark Dworkin LCSW

Mark Dworkin LCSW — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 09:01:30 +0000

Thank you for your perspective Maryum.
Feedback coming from a taecher in a classroom is invaluable.
If other teacher you know would like to be on our mailing list, please have then send their emailsa to me:

Info@MarkDworkin.com

Thanks again for your insights.
Enjoy the website.

Best Wishes,

Mark

By: Maryam Samani

Maryam Samani — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:42:46 +0000

Mark,
Thank you for this article. You’ll be surprise how students of all ages can benefit from this. As an Early Childhood Education teacher I constantly find myself instead of talking to parents to find support for their children, and to celebrate their achievements and their learning experience, talking to them on how “A- or solid B” is still good and that their child is where he/she needs to be at this point of time.

There is a fine line between giving support to your child and over-identifying with your child. I believe once you over-identify with your child, then it is hard to provide a platform for them to spring, you end up either blaming the child or denying the need of the child, both could be the causes of anxiety and depression for students.

Best Wishes,
Maryam

By: Mark Dworkin LCSW

Mark Dworkin LCSW — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 16:25:40 +0000

Well said Andrea. We want to instill a realistic sense of confidence by accepting who and what they are, and what they wish to become. In doing so there are periods of growth, and periods of separation that tax parent and child alike. Letting go has been a hard task for me, and I struggle with it. However, my sons will let me know whe I overstep their boundaries, and will tell me to let them do things in their own way.

I know that I am reacting to how my parents expected too much of me, but did not give adequate support. As I age, I grow wiser, but the journey is difficult for all of us.

That I believe is the nature of living.

Thanks for your remarks.

Any teachers out there who might want to comment?

By: Andrea B. Goldberg, LCSW

Andrea B. Goldberg, LCSW — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 12:19:52 +0000

Dear Mark,

You make the point that “feel good, self esteem focused education” is also counterproductive. Certainly, developing unrealistic confidence in one’s abilities is a set-up for failure. If everything your child or your student does is great, no matter the quality, then you are misleading them instead of fostering realistic self-esteem. However, instilling a realistic sense of confidence in one’s children and students is important.

Warmly,
Andrea

By: Mark Dworkin LCSW

Mark Dworkin LCSW — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 11:25:09 +0000

Dear Andrea:

Well said. Some students are only capable of a B+ or a B even though they do try their best. Some may fare worse; some may not be cut out for college. There are many kinds of people, each with their own gifts.

Unrelenting standards or “feel good, self esteem focused education” (Twenge 2009, p. X)don’t work. Both are counterproductive.
Parents would be well advised to self reflect and make sure that their self esteem does not rest on how well their son or daughter “performs.”

Parnets, “know thy child. Do have reasoned standards for them and help them find and use their gifts productively.

Andrea, you helped mew reflect on what was not conscious to me. Thank you.

Best Wishes,

Mark

By: Jenny Ann Rydberg

Jenny Ann Rydberg — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 21:06:47 +0000

Really like your article Mark – now all I need to do is to translate it to French and I’ll show it to clients!
Warmly,
Jenny

By: Andrea B. Goldberg, LCSW

Andrea B. Goldberg, LCSW — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 12:18:04 +0000

Great article, Mark! I particularly like the part where you encourage parents of college students with unrelenting standards to ask their children why they think they are not good enough. Just one question- you say that an A- is not the end of the world. What about a B+?
Best wishes, Andrea