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Counseling and Psychotherapy
What’s The Difference?
In my experience almost everyone needs support and advice. I believe that my patients are entitled to what they are asking for. However, sometimes my advice will be to pay more attention to what they are experiencing in their bodies. Why? First of all, in the words of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his 1994 paper, “The Body Keeps The Score,” paying attention to our bodies gives us valuable information about what we experience but may not be consciously aware of. Secondly, mindfulness, a 2500 year old Buddist practice has become “the new rage” which everyone is touting as the way to healing. In truth, Mindfulness is extremely useful. I just don’t like jumping on the bandwagon. I’ve been practicing and teaching mindfulness since 1992.
There is a fabulous website called Dharmaseed which I recommend to everyone who reads this page. It’s got the greatest teachers giving audio lectures for free. All that is requested, not required, is a small donation. I think that you would do very well to click on the link.Â
Having said this, there are a number of people who seek me out because they do not have sufficient self reflective ability (sometimes called “mentalization” Fonagy 1992) and they need to have a direct opinion from me. I’ll give my opinion, but be aware that I do not encourage dependency. This is the problem with giving opinions. I’ll give it, but I’ll also teach you strategies to regulate your emotions such as fear or anger, so you can develop these self reflective capacities.
I’ve decided not to make distinctions below because many people think of psychotherapy as counseling, so I hope I’ve been clear about how I see the difference.
Individuals
Individual counseling provides an opportunity for you to openly talk about your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment. Together, we can discuss your issues or concerns such as:
Self-development- Body image issues
- Anxiety and depression
- Stress Management
- Sexual orientation
- Sexual compulsions
- Cyber Addictions
- Substance abuse and dependence
- Loss and grief counseling
Families
Family dynamics can often be challenging, whether you have a traditional or non-traditional family, I can help. Family counseling provides an opportunity for everyone to openly talk about their thoughts and feelings with me acting as the referee. I do not let emotions or behaviors get too intense. I’m not the audience. I’m one of the players, and I’m in charge. Besides, I’ve gotten too many headaches listening to families argue. Seriously (and I hope you appreciate my sense of humor, because this is me) I see no value whatsoever having you repeat the same patterns that haven’t worked at home. The only difference is that in my office the only thing that changes is that you get poorer. Together, we can try to solve any familial issues:
- Parent-child conflicts
- Family communication problems
- Defiant, angry, or isolated teens
- Grief and issues of loss
- Transitions after divorce or separation
Couples
Couples counseling is beneficial to those interested in improving their relationships. Many times people find “their missing piece.” So I’m messy, and my wife is very, very organized! I thought that I had found my soulmate, only to find out that after a while, her organization was irritating as heck. Conversely, she found someone who was in touch with his emotions; this was a factor that was missing in her family growing up. Soon after being married she found that my expressions of how I felt were truly annoying. We’ve been married for 26 years now and we have done a great deal of work to make our marriage work. Now we are becoming soul mates! Of course I’ve become more organized, and she’s become messier. OK, OK, have a sense of humor. The work that needs to be done is very serious and it doesn’t hurt to have a little levity every now and then.
Actually, I once heard a lecture by Harville Hendrix, a great couple’s therapist. He believed that we marry the people who represent the wounds we experience in childhood, and we unconsciously are seeking to heal these childhood wounds by marrying this person. So what attracts us repels us because it represents what was traumatic when we were children. I often use EMDR in my work with couples with the other spouse in the room, so that the person can heal, and the other spouse can develop more empathy for what wounded them when they were young. This is not a “rule” it depends on the situation, the level of trust, each partner’s ability to be sensitive to the other person’s needs, etc. I have experience with a diverse range of couples from various racial, ethnic, and spiritual backgrounds. Couples can be married or dating, straight or gay. I assist couples with:
- Communication
- Financial disagreements
- Infidelity
- Trust issues
- Premarital, Pre-commitment counseling
