Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Do you ever find yourself saying:

• “I wish I could quit my job but I would never succeed anywhere else, so I might as well just stay here and waste away”?
• “I can never ask a woman or a man out because no one will find me attractive.”
• “I could never fit in with that group. They’re so much better than me; the way they dress the cars they drive; where they live. They would never accept me.”

These instances exhibit insecurity, negative self thought, and potential self sabotage. Beliefs such as these are characteristics of having a low self-esteem. The feelings that go along with these negative beliefs are quite painful.

Whether you are in your early teens, adulthood, or old age, low self-esteem is prevalent and more common than you may realize.

• The adolescent or young adult may put themselves down if they didn’t score high on that exam or if they were rejected from the “cool crowd” in school.
• The young adult may experience feelings of insecurity and lack of confidence when seeking romantic involvement. Sometimes people who have low self esteem may try to keep themselves in an intimate relationship because it makes them feel better about themselves- even if the relationship is not good for them.
• Someone in their mid fifties may believe that they didn’t accomplish enough and may become self critical and depressed.
• The elderly may believe that they are worthless and no longer serve a purpose because they are suffering from a disease and are physically disabled.

Having low self esteem can affect self image, self worth, self awareness, and levels of assertiveness/passiveness.

COMMON SIGNS OF LOW-SELF ESTEEM:

*Check off any that may apply to you

___ Self criticism

___ Need for constant reassurance

___ Feelings of worthlessness

___ Believing that you are unlovable

___ Believing that choices you make will turn out poorly

___ Poor stress management

___ Minimizing your accomplishments

___ Thinking poorly and negatively of yourself

___ Having a hard time accepting compliments

___ Comparing yourself to others, and never feeling as if you are as good as them

___ Apologizing for things when you have no real reason to apologize

___ Sabotaging yourself–even if you do good, you feel as if you could have done better

___ Having low/no self confidence

___ Feeling insecure

___ Believing that others are judging you poorly

This is a subjective checklist, not research validated. If after you checked off a number of items you begin to become depressed, upset, or anxious, that is often typical of low self-esteem.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM CAN LEAD TO:

• Depression (see depression)
• General Anxiety
• Social Anxiety
• Body image disorders/eating disorders (see body image & eating disorders)
• Drug/Alcohol Abuse (see alcoholism, teen alcoholism)
• Phobias
• Believing that you cannot overcome life’s obstacles
• Staying in an abusive relationship/domestic abuse
• Non productive behavior (such as playing video games for hours on end)
• Giving up too easily on projects, or relationships
• Poor academic and/or job performance
• Believing that every girl or boy/man or woman will not want to be friends with you
• Remaining passive or non assertive when you need to stand up for yourself

CHARACTERISTICS OF A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM:

• Positive self talk during times where your self-esteem may be vulnerable
• Having the awareness and ability to recognize your flaws (remember, no one is perfect!)
• Being assertiveness and believing that what you have to say matters
• Being reasonably confidence
• Making accurate self assessments
• Feeling good enough about yourself to talk with people
• Asking a girl/or boy on a date (see how to ask a girl out)
• Believing in yourself
• Learning from your mistakes.

INFORMATIONAL STRATEGIES:

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

• Write down your accomplishments and achievements
• Keep a journal to express your feelings and thoughts
• Become involved with local fundraising/charity events
• Practice assertiveness—make a list of experiences that left you feeling negatively about yourself and write responses with rebuttals to challenge your inner critic
• Write a letter to yourself congratulating YOU on all of your wonderful qualities and accomplishments you have achieved
• Have a support system of people who will praise you and evoke encouragement
• See your school guidance counselor for support

It is not uncommon for your feelings and thoughts about yourself to fluctuate from time to time.

These are just some warning signs of having a low self-esteem. Just because you exhibit one or more of these traits it doesn’t mean you may be suffering from a low self esteem. If you are concerned that it is affecting your daily life and interpersonal relationships with others and yourself perhaps you should contact me at:

Please contact Mark Dworkin LCSW at (516) 731-7611 or through email at mark@markdworkin.com for more information. Mark is available for speaking engagements for the general public and professional communities, radio and tv appearances, seminars, webinars, enhancing professional development, workshops and trainings. Check out Mark’s Mental Health Store for videos on relative topics you may be interested in, such as: Dealing with Depression, Overcome Traumatic Dissociation, Recovering from Anorexia, Overcoming Bulimia, Build Your Teen’s Self Esteem, Accepting Your Gay Teen’s Sexuality, and more.

SOURCES:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00128

http://cmhc.utexas.edu/booklets/selfesteem/selfest.html#anchor1645495

Ulrich Orth; Richard W. Robins; Kali H. Trzesniewski. Self-Esteem Development From Young Adulthood to Old Age: A Cohort-Sequential Longitudinal Study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2010, Vol. 98, No. 4, 645–658

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