Building Self-Esteem In Your Teenage Years

Adolescence is a difficult time for many.  Teens encounter various issues that are new to them, such as preparing for college, dating, pressure to drink and/or do drugs, getting a job, making decisions about sex, driving, more responsibilities at home, and so on.  If there’s one factor that can make or break a teenager’s ability to properly handle these challenges, it’s self-esteem.

Self-esteem encompasses how you feel about yourself and how you believe others feel about you.  People with high self-esteem respect and love themselves, and perceive others as valuing and accepting them, as well.  People with low self-esteem have a difficult time recognizing their strengths and accomplishments, and may feel that they don’t deserve love and acceptance.

Factors That May Contribute To Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem may be caused by a variety of factors.  While these factors can differ greatly depending on the individual’s circumstances, here are some examples of common ones:

• Appearance concerns
• Peer rejection
• Criticism from parents
• Excessively high expectations for oneself
• Difficulty with schoolwork

Potential Consequences of Low Self-Esteem

While the problems associated with low self-esteem in adolescence may vary from person to person, here are some examples of potential issues:

• Irresponsible sexual behavior
• Alcohol and/or drug use
• Smoking
• Poor academic performance
• Eating disorders and/or body image concerns
• Social isolation
• Depression
• Feelings of suicide

Benefits to High Self-Esteem

The advantages of having confidence in yourself are endless.  Healthy self-esteem can positively affect many aspects of your life.  Here are some examples:

• Positive beliefs can lead to positive results (e.g. If you believe you are capable of doing well on an exam, you’re more likely to prepare and study for it, which leads to getting a good grade.)
• More likely to reach out to others when you’re in need or when they’re in need, which helps strengthen relationships and social skills
• More likely to challenge yourself and take healthy risks, like trying out for a sports team
• People who feel good about themselves attract others who feel good about themselves too.  Positive, healthy relationships can result.
• Accomplish more because they’re more likely to stick with something even if they don’t succeed right away

Self-Help Suggestions for Improving Self-Esteem

• Smile more.  Even if you have to force it at first, you will gradually feel happier as a result.  It also makes you more approachable, which can make you feel good about yourself.
• Pursue extracurricular activities or hobbies that you enjoy.  Doing things you’re good at and/or passionate about can increase your confidence.  Also, since many activities like sports, dance, and acting involve groups, it can help you to form friendships with like-minded people.
• Recognize the difference between what you can change and what you can’t.  If you aren’t happy with your grades, you can do something about that – study harder, go to extra help, etc. If you aren’t happy with your height, realize that this is beyond your control and you’re better off learning to accept yourself as you are.
• Take healthy chances – such as saying hi to the person next to you in the cafeteria, trying out for a new team, or giving your opinion in class.  Do things that you’re afraid of, and you’ll see that it gets easier every time.
• Realize that mistakes are really just opportunities to learn something.  No one is perfect.  Let mistakes serve as lessons, and forgive yourself for messing up.  There’s always next time to do better.

Seeking Professional Treatment

While the above suggestions may be helpful in some cases, for some teenagers, low self-esteem represents a deeper, emotional issue that may require the help of a mental health professional to resolve.  Qualified therapists are trained in methods such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and EMDR, which can be useful in releasing painful memories of past experiences that may be contributing to self-esteem issues in the present.  Additionally, therapy can help you to develop more constructive ways of thinking and perceiving yourself.

If you are suffering from low self-esteem, it’s important to know that you are not alone.  Many other teenagers have experienced similar struggles, and have gotten through it with professional treatment.  You can live a fulfilling life, and experience greater confidence, too.

Please contact Mark Dworkin LCSW at (516) 731-7611 or through email at mark@markdworkin.com for more information. Mark is available for speaking engagements for the general public and professional communities, radio and tv appearances, seminars, webinars, enhancing professional development, workshops and trainings. Check out Mark’s Mental Health Store for videos on relative topics you may be interested in, such as: Build Your Teen’s Self Esteem, Avoid Parental Alienation, Accepting Your Gay Teen’s Sexuality, and more.