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Post-Abortion Healing for Women
After having an abortion, some women have a smooth and peaceful recovery. However, this is not the case for everyone. There are many women who experience a range of troubling emotions, and are not able to recover as easily. If you fall into the latter category, it’s important to know that you are not alone. You might feel like no one understands what you’re going through, but many others have been in similar pain and have managed to get through it with time and assistance. Please keep reading for more information.
What Makes It More Difficult For Some Women?
Although having an abortion can be a troubling experience simply on its own, there are certain situations that may make a woman more likely to encounter severe post-abortion struggles. Though situations differ person-to-person, here are some circumstances that may make the healing process more difficult:
- Some women have been pressured or forced into having an abortion (by their partner, other family members, etc.), rather than making the decision on their own.
- Some women don’t have the support of their partner for various reasons. For example, perhaps he didn’t agree with her decision to have an abortion, or maybe he’s coping with his own guilt and sadness by pushing her away. Other women are not in a relationship, which can increase feelings of loneliness.
- Some women have gone against their religious views by terminating their pregnancy, which can lead to issues such as family conflict, questioning of one’s place in the religious community, guilt, etc.
- Some women don’t have a strong support network, which can make them feel even more alone during a very difficult time.
Potential Post-Abortion Issues
Having an abortion can affect women’s lives very differently. While situations vary on a person-by-person basis, here are examples of issues that some women experience post-abortion:
- Depression and/or anxiety
- Anger at oneself
- Social isolation
- Relationship problems
- Decreased self-esteem
- Significant increase or decrease in appetite
- Sleep problems
- Feelings of shame and/or guilt
- Addictions or compulsions that weren’t present before the abortion
- Thoughts of harming oneself or committing suicide
How Can I Support A Loved One Who’s Had An Abortion?
If someone you care about is going through the aforementioned issues, you may be able to help. These suggestions are not meant to replace treatment with a mental health professional, but they may help in lessening her pain.
- Be a kind, patient listener. Don’t try to change the subject when she brings up the abortion – it’s healthy for her to talk about her issues rather than blocking them out.
- Don’t tell her she made the ‘right’ choice or the ‘wrong’ choice – there is no such thing. Her decision was one that she may regret, and that’s her right to regret it; she may also be content with her choice, despite her difficulties now. Either way, it’s not for you to judge whether her choice was right or wrong – just be there for her, and allow her to express her regret or satisfaction with her decision.
- Continue to let her know that she is not alone, and that she has your support. Follow through by calling her, visiting her, inviting her out, etc. Having a support network can be crucial in coping with pain and sadness.
Self-Help Suggestions
If you’re having trouble coping with your post-abortion emotions, you may find the following suggestions useful.
- Join a support group for women who are experiencing post-abortion difficulties. This will help you to feel less alone, and will help you to bond with others who have a first-hand understanding of your pain.
- Allow yourself to grieve. Mourning your loss is an import step in the recovery process; burying these feelings will likely cause more problems later on. It’s not uncommon for women to deny their grief after having an abortion due to feelings of guilt or shame, but try to accept your right to mourn.
- Lean on your friends and family for support. Let them be there for you, and talk to them about how you’re feeling.
Seeking Professional Treatment
The above suggestions may help you deal with the pain you’re experiencing, but they are not meant to replace professional treatment with a mental health specialist. Qualified therapists are trained in methods such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and EMDR, which can help you release painful memories from the past which may be triggering issues in the present, and help you to develop healthier thought and behavior patterns so that you can get back to feeling like yourself again.
You are not alone in your suffering. Many other women have experienced similar struggles after terminating their pregnancy, and they’ve been able to heal and move on from the pain with the help of a mental health specialist.
If you’d like more information, please contact Mark Dworkin LCSW at (516) 731-7611. Mark is available for speaking engagements for the general public and professional communities, radio and tv appearances, seminars, webinars, enhancing professional development, workshops and trainings.
