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Coping with an Unplanned Pregnancy
If you have unexpectedly become pregnant, you might be experiencing a range of emotions. For example, you might…
- Be feeling anxious and sad
- Be afraid of telling your loved ones
- Be excited about having a baby
- Be worried about whether you will make a good parent
- Be feeling ashamed
- Be confused about whether or not to terminate the pregnancy
Your feelings may be influenced by whether or not you have a supportive partner. If you are single, or have a partner who disagrees with you about how to proceed with the news, you may be experiencing feelings of loneliness during this time. Even if you have a supportive partner, you may still be dealing with a range of emotions and concerns.
Even though you may be feeling alone, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Many women have experienced unplanned pregnancy (some studies estimate that half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned!), and they’ve been able to determine the best course of action for their particular circumstances. You can do the same. You will get through this, but it’s advisable that you do your research in order to make a well thought-out decision.
What Are My Options?
You have three options:
1) Parenting – having the baby and choosing to raise him/her.
2) Adoption – having the baby and giving him/her to another family.
3) Terminating – having an abortion to end the pregnancy.
There are many factors to consider with each of these options. All have a variety of pros and cons, and these pros and cons may differ greatly depending on the individual’s particular circumstances.
How Do I Choose The Best Option For Me?
It’s important to think carefully and rationally about your next step. However, the decision does need to be made within a reasonable amount of time; if you choose to continue with the pregnancy (either to parent or adopt), you should begin pre-natal care right away to ensure the best for you and the baby. If you choose to terminate the pregnancy, the earlier on you make this decision, the better – abortion is generally a very safe procedure, but risks increase later in the pregnancy.
- Educate yourself about the three options. Your local Planned Parenthood is a wonderful resource, and the staff members are trained to discuss with you the risks and benefits of all three options from an objective standpoint. This is especially useful because your partner and/or loved ones might be pushing you towards one option, but it’s in your best interest to learn about all options from a neutral source.
- Speak with trusted family members and friends, and your partner if you have one. You have the right to choose supportive people to discuss your options with during this difficult time. Spending time with loved ones can help you to come to a rational decision and can also reassure you that you are not alone in this process. However, make sure you don’t let others pressure you – this is ultimately your decision, and no one else’s.
- There are a number of factors you may wish to consider when trying to make a decision. Though these may not apply in all cases, here are examples:
- Baby’s health
- Your health
- Your age
- Your financial circumstances
- Your religious views
- Relationship stability (if in a relationship)
- Assistance from others (e.g. your parents, siblings)
- Take time to make a detailed list of pros and cons for each option. After making this list, do any of the options seem to have more benefits than risks versus the other options?
What Do I Do After I’ve Chosen An Option?
For any of the three options, there are important steps to take to ensure the best possible outcome. While I will write about each option in greater detail in future articles, here are some examples of preparation steps, depending on which option you’ve selected:
Parenting
- Seek pre-natal care by an OB-GYN.
- Learn about ways to keep you and your baby safe and healthy during your pregnancy (e.g. no drinking, no smoking, eating properly, etc.).
Adoption
- Read about open adoption vs. closed adoption, and consider which seems best
- Consider what type of parents and home you’d like your baby to have.
- Seek pre-natal care by an OB-GYN.
Termination
- Learn about the two types of abortion procedures – medical (can be done within first 9 weeks of pregnancy) and surgical (can be done within first 3 months of pregnancy), and the associated risks. You may wish to speak with a trusted professional to determine which procedure is right for you.
- Consider talking with someone who has had an abortion before to get an idea of what to expect emotionally, physically, etc.
- Find a suitable abortion clinic (you may wish to ask your gynecologist or Planned Parenthood for recommendations).
Seeking Professional Help
Coping with an unplanned pregnancy can be very difficult. If the above suggestions are not sufficient in helping you get through this time, you may benefit from psychotherapy treatment with a mental health professional. Qualified therapists are trained to assist you in dealing with your negative thoughts, fears, and confusions about your pregnancy and any other factors that are troubling you. You don’t have to go through this experience alone.
For more information, you can contact Mark Dworkin LCSW at (516) 731-7611 or mark@markdworkin.com or check out Mark’s Mental Health Store for helpful videos on topics such as: “Fight Domestic Violence,” “Recover from Sexual Abuse,” “Recovering from Emotional and Physical Abuse,” “Overcoming Traumatic Dissociation,” and more. Mark is available for speaking engagements for the general public and professional communities, radio and tv appearances, seminars, webinars, enhancing professional development, workshops and trainings.
